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Cordelia: I think I've lost all will to cheerlead

Cordelia: Why does eveyone always yell my name? I'm not deaf and I can take a hint. What's the hint?

Cordelia: And if you get me out of this, I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again. Unless they really deserve it. Or if it's that time of the month, in which case I don't think you or anyone else can hold me responsible.

Buffy:You guys seem down with the slayage. All tricked out with your walkies and everything.
Cordelia:Yeah, but these outfits suck. This whole Rambo thing is so over. I'm thinking something sporty, like Hilfiger maybe!

Cordelia: I'm not saying that we should kill a teacher everyday just so I can lose weight, I'm just saying when tragedy strikes, we have to look on the bright side

Cordelia: Know your losers. Once you can identify them all by sight they're a lot easier to avoid.

Cordelia: Well, his loss is your incredible gain!

Cordelia: Buffy, I love the hair. It just screams ‘street urchin’.

Cordelia: I’m gonna’ be in therapy ‘til I’m thirty.

Cordelia: You’ll go to college some day, Xander. I just know your pizza delivery career will take you so many exciting places.

Cordelia: There are books on computers? Isn’t the point of computers to replace books?

Cordelia: This whole student exchange thing has been a nightmare. They don’t even speak American.

Cordelia: Oh, he’s a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind, like a care bear with fangs?

Cordelia: Like this time I sort of ran over this girl on her bike. It was the most traumatizing event of *my* life, and she's trying to make it about her *leg*. Like my pain meant nothing.

Cordelia: Ouch!!! Please get your extreme oafishness off my $200 shoes.

Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Glad you've seen the softer side of Sears.

Cordelia: Why do we have to devise these programs; isn't that what nerds are for?

Cordelia: Excuse me-but who gave you permision to exist?

Cordelia: I am, of course, having my dress specially made. Off the rack gives me hives.

Cordelia: I have all these thoughts,and I'm pretty sure they all contradict each other.

Cordelia (to buffy): You were popular? In what alternate universe?

Giles: You know, I don’t recall ever seeing you here before.
Cordelia: Oh, no. I have a life.

Cordelia: Great, now I'm gonna be stuck with serious thoughts all day.

Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you won’t even have the loser friends you have now.

Cordelia: You guys... I just... hate you guys! The weirdest things always happen when you're around.

Cordelia: I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to.

Cordelia: Gym was cancelled due to the extreme dead guy in the locker.

Cordelia: I don't get it. Buffy's the Slayer - shouldn't she have...
Xander: What, a license to kill?
Willow: Well, not for fun. But she's like this Superman. Shouldn't there be different rules for her?
Cordelia: Sure, in a fascist society.
Willow: Right! Why can't we have one of those?

Cordelia: Eww! Why is it that every conversation you people have has the word corpse in it?

Cordelia: I was totally beachless for a month and a half. No one suffered like I suffered.

Cordelia:Yeah, when you've visited decaf-land.

Cordelia:Well, obviously, Kevin has underestimated the power of my icy stare.

Cordelia:Why don't you revolve yourself out of my light?

Cordelia: It's just such a tragedy for me. Emma was like my best friend!
Xander:Emily.
Cordelia: Whatever

Cordelia:Pick up the phone, call 911. That boy's going to need some serious oxygen after I'm through with him.

Cordelia- The Bronze. It's the only club worth going to around here. They let anyone in but it's still the scene. It's in the bad part of town.
Buffy- Where's that?
Cordelia- It's about half a block from the good part of town. We don't have a whole lot of town here.

Buffy- Dead?
Cordelia- Totally dead. Way dead!
Xander- So not just a little dead?
Cordelia- Don't you have anywhere else to be?

Cordelia: He looked normal!
Xander: What, is he supposed to have an arrow with the word `assassin' over his head? All it took was the prospect of a free makeover and you licked his hand like a big dumb dog!

Cordelia (to Ms. Calendar): What an ordeal. And you know what the worst part is? It stays with you forever. No matter what they tell you, none of that rust, and blood, and grime comes out. I mean, you can dry clean 'til judgement day. You are living with those stains.
Ms. Calendar: Yeah, that's the worst part of being hung upside down by a vampire who wants to slit your throat -
the stains.
Cordelia: I hear ya!

Cordelia: Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
Xander (coughing): Karma!

Giles: Whatever the authorities have planned for her, it can't be much worse than what she's doing to herself. She's
taken a human life. The guilt it's it's - pretty hard to bear. It won't go away soon.
Cordelia: I guess you should know, since you helped raise that demon that killed that guy that time.
Giles: Yes, do let's bring that up as often as possible.

Xander: You wanna talk negative consequence? What about the heartbreak of hallitosis? I mean a girl may look spiffy but if she ignores her flossing the bloom is definitely off the rose.
Cordelia: Like that compares to kissing a guy who thinks the hoover technique is a big turn-on.
Xander: What about having to feign interest in her vapid little chitchat just so you could get some touch?

Cordelia: Why has everyone gone insane?!
Xander: Insane! Is it so impossible for you to believe that other women find me attractive?
Cordelia: The only way you could get girls to want you would be witchcraft.
Xander: That is such a - well yeah okay good point.

Cordelia: I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear, and you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date - no matter how lame he is.

Xander (about Buffy): Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah well I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What's that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase "watch her back" as a euphemism for looking at her butt. You know, sort of a pun?
Xander: Oh. Right…hey!

Cordelia: Nice pet, Giles. Don't you like anything regular? Golf? USA Today? Anything?

Willow: Maybe we shouldn't be too couply around Buffy.
Cordelia: Oh, you mean cause of how the only guy that ever liked her turned into a viscious killer and had to be put
down like a dog?
Xander: Can she cram complex issues into a nutshell or what?

Buffy: You really love Xander?
Cordelia: Well, he kind of grows on you, like - a chia pet.

Cordelia searches for a weapon and comes back with a spatula.
Buffy: That's it?
Cordelia: Just this and a telephone.
Buffy: A telephone. And you didn't think that'd be helpful?
Cordelia: No, this is better, for (she waves the spatula up and down, and then realizes her mistake.). Oh.

Cordelia: Why is it every time I go somewhere with you it always ends in violence and terror?

Cordelia: I just thought we were gonna do something, you know, classy.
Xander: What's classier than bowling?
Cordelia: Apart from everything ever?

Oz: (Sniff sniff): It's Willow. She's nearby.
Cordelia: What? You can smell her? She doesn't even wear perfume.
Oz: She's afraid.
Cordelia: Oh my god. Is this some sort of residual werewolf thing? This is very disturbing.
Oz: I really agree.