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Books

Willow: You're the Slayer and we're like the Slayeretts.

Buffy: It's weird, though. In his way, I feel like he's still watching me.
Willow: Well in a way he sort of is….In a way of that he's right over there.

Willow:We need to figure out how to kill this thing, and we need to do it fast.

Buffy(to Willow):Hey, maybe you should consider a career as a Watcher.
Willow:Oh, no, I don't think I could handle the stress.
Xander:And the dental plan's crap.

Buffy:Were you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.
Willow:Ha, ha, ha! It makes me jumpy. I... have to go. Away.

Willow:Ah! A-ha! It's not Egyptian, it's Etruscan, mistaken for Egyptian by the design pattern, but any fool can see it predates its iconology.

Ms.Calender:Morning, England.
Giles:Oh, hello, Ms., uh, Jenny.
Willow:Feel the passion.
Jenny:Willow...
Willow:Coughing, not speaking.

Angel:They're children, making up bedtime stories of friendly vampires to comfort themselves in the dark.
Willow:Is that so bad? I mean, the dark can get pretty dark.Sometimes you need a story.

Willow:See, you made him do that thing where he's gone.

Willow:The reflection thing that you don't have... Angel, how do you shave?

Willow ( as a ghost):I don't even know what I'm looking for. Plus I can't turn the page.

Willow: and you! I mean, you're going to live forever, you don't have time for a cup of coffee? Okay, I don't feel better now.

Willow:Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? That came out wrong.

Willow:Well, what about the rest of the note?
Buffy:The rest of the note?
Willow:The part that says, P.S.: This is a trap.

Willow: I don't like spiders, okay? Their furry bodies and their sticky webs, and what do they need all those legs for anyway? I'll tell you. For crawling across your face in the middle of the night. Ew! How do they not ruffle you?

Willow: My parents don't even bicker. Sometimes they glare.

Giles: You concentrate on re-animation theory. I'll poke about in organ harvesting. Unless, of course, you prefer...
Willow: That's okay. You can have the organs.

Willow:Boys are so fragile.

Willow: The one boy that's really liked me and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?

Buffy: What am I gonna' do? Slay vampires on stage?
Willow: Maybe in a funny way!

Buffy: You want Xander, you've gotta' speak up, girl!
Willow: No, no, no, no. No speaking up, that way leads to madness and sweaty palms.

Xander: Why do I need to learn this?
Willow: 'Cause otherwise you'll flunk math.
Xander: Explain the part where that's bad.
Willow: You remember. You fail math. You flunk out of school. You end up being the guy at the pizza place that sweeps the floor and says, 'Hey kids, where's the cool parties this weekend?' We've been through this.

Willow:When I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or witty, or at all. I can usually make a few vowal sounds-then I have to go away.

Willow: That means hacking illegaly into the school computer- finally something I can do.

Willow: I sorta stumbled on to them when I accidentally decrypted the city council's security system.

Giles: Why would anyone want to hurt Cordelia?
Willow: Mabey they met her. Did that just come out of my mouth?

Xander: What are you vixens up to?
Willow: Just sitting here, watching our barren lives pass us by. Oh look, a cockroach.

Xander: I once drank an entire gallon of gatorade without taking a breath.
Willow: It was pretty impressive. Although later there was an ick factor.

Willow: I had this whole thing worked out. And I had it written down, but it didn't make any sense when I was reading it back.
Oz: Willow, this is not a very good time.
Willow: I mean, what am I supposed to think? First, you buy me popcorn. And then, you're all glad that I didn't get bit. And, you put the tag back in my shirt

Willow: I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh yeah, 1-800-IM-DATING-A-SKANKY-HO
Buffy: Meow.
Willow: Really? Thanks, I've never gotten a meow before.
Buffy: Well deserved.
Willow: Darn tootin!

Willow: Go where? You're not gonna kill Oz! Yeah, he's a werewolf, but he doesn' t mean to be.

Willow: I like you. You're nice. And you're funny. And you don't smoke. Well yeah, okay, werewolf. That's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month, I'm not much fun to be around either.
Oz: You are quite the human.

Willow:Ok, but do they really stick out?
Xander:What?
Willow:Sore thumbs. Do they stick out? I mean, have you ever seen a thumb and gone, wow, that baby is sore?
Xander:You have way too many thoughts.

Willow: It's kind of novel how he'll stay young and handsome forever, although you'll still get wrinkly and die……..and oh? What about the children? Ok I shut up now.

Willow: How is it you always know this stuff? You always know what is going on. I never know what's going on.
Giles: You weren't here from midnight until six researching it
Willow: No, I was sleeping -

Willow: My God, you people are all...well, I'm upset and I can't think of a mean word right now, but that's what you are and we're going to the factory!
Xander: Yeah!

Willow:Oz and I are in some sort of holding pattern. Except without the holding.

Willow:I'm sorry about how all this ended up. With me shooting you and all.
Oz:It's okay. I'm sorry I almost ate you.
Willow:It's okay.

Willow: I have to go -- I have a class to teach in about five minutes, and I have to arrive early to glare disapprovingly at the stragglers. Oh, darn, she's here. Five hours of lesson planning yesterday down the drain...

Willow: I bet you'll think coding is pretty cool. I mean, if you find two-digit multi-stacked conversions and primary number clusters a big hoot.

Buffy:Willow might be our only hope.
Willow:I don't want to be our only hope. I crumble under pressure. Let's have another hope.

Willow:Okay. Somebody explain this whole suck the world into hell thing because that's the part I'm not loving.

Principle Synder: We having a chair shortage?
Willow:I didn't read anything about... oh. I get it.(gets off Oz's lap)

Willow:So, you delved into the black arts, and conjured up a hellbeast from the ocean's depths to wreak your vengeance.
Jon:Huh?
Willow:Didn't you?
Jon:What? No. I snuck in yesterday and peed in the pool.
Willow:Oh. Eeew!

Giles: The ritual go all right?
Willow: Oh, yeah, it went fine. Well, it went fine until Angel showed up and told Buffy's mom that he and Buffy had -- well, you know, that they had -- you know... You do know, right?
Giles: Oh, yes. Sorry.
Willow: Oh, good, 'cause I just realized that being a librarian and all, you maybe didn't know.
Giles: Oh, thank you, I got it

Cordelia: Willow, are you aware that there are no fish in your aquarium?
Willow: whimper

Willow: I'm going to have a hard time explaining this to my dad.
Buffy:You really think it'll bother him?
Willow: Ira Rosenberg's only daughter nailing crucifixes to her bedroom wall? I have to go over to Xander's house just to watch A Charlie Brown Christmas every year.
Buffy: I see your point.
Willow: Although it is worth while to see him do the Snoopy dance.

Buffy:Hey, sorry about your fish.
Willow: It's okay, we hadn't really had time to bond yet... although for the first time, I'm glad my parents didn't let me have a puppy.

Willow: Sorry, I have to talk to her. She's a teacher and teachers are to be respected, even if they're only filling in until the real teacher shows up, because otherwise chaos could ensue...

Willow: I swear, men can be such jerks sometimes. Dead _or_ alive.

Willow: Oh, wait. What if they don't recognize my authority? What if they try to convince me that you always let them leave class early? What if there's a fire drill? What if there's a fire?
Jenny: Willow, you're gonna be fine. And I'll try not to be too late, okay?
Willow: Okay, good. Earlier is good. Will I have the power to assign detention? Or make them run laps?

Willow:Oz has his cool hair today. I think I'm a groupie!

Buffy:That guy over there is totally checking you out.
Willow:Oh, that's Oz. He's expressing computer-nerd solidarity.

Willow:I knew it. I knew it! Well, not knew it in the sense of having the slightest idea, but I knew there was something I didn't know.

Ted:Your upgrades.
Willow:Oh, what a day! Thank you!

Buffy:Bet Giles wishes I were more of a book geek.
Willow:Giles is enough of a book geek for the both of you.

Kendra:Did I not see you kissing a vampire?
Willow:Buffy would never do that! Oh... except for... sometimes you do that. But only with Angel. Right?
Buffy:Yes, right!

Buffy:Do you want to hang? We're cafeteria bound.
Willow:Uh-uh. I'm gonna do work in the computer lab... on school work that I have... so I cannot hang just now. Hi, Ford.
Buffy:Ok, Will, 'fess up.
Willow:What?!
Buffy:Were you drinking coffee again? 'Cause we've talked about this.
Willow:Ha, ha, ha! It makes me jumpy. I... have to go. Away.

Hey!!! We don’t have time for this, our friends are in trouble. Now we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it. And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!

Willow: Uh, Angel, if I say something you really don’t want to hear, do you promise not to bite me?

Willow: Once again, I've been banished to the demon section of the card catalog.

Willow: Dramatic scenes are the easiest way to get through a talent show, because it doesn't require an actual talent.

Willow: Oh, wait, I need to sit down.
Buffy:You are sitting down.
Willow:Oh, good for me.

Cordelia:I know that you share this feeling we have for each other, deep down.
Willow:Nausea?

Willow: Well, you know, I have a choice. I can spend my life waiting for Xander to go out with every other girl in the world until he notices me, or I can just on with my life.
Buffy: Good for you.
Willow: Well, I didn’t choose yet.

Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just steppes out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It’s addictive you know.

Oz: You know, I never really thanked you.
Willow: Oh, yeah, please don't. I don't do thanks. I get all red. Have to bail. It's not pretty.

Willow: The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, it wasn't Xander. In fact it wasn't me. In fact, it was a friend's dream, and she can't remember it.

Angel: I guess I need help.
Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old, and you already know stuff.

Willow: Goody! Research party!
Xander: Will, you need a life in the worst way.

Willow: I'm not ashamed. It's the computer age. Nerds are in. They're still in, right?

Xander: Angel was in your bedroom?!
Willow: Ours is a forbidden love.

Buffy: It's too bad we can't take a look at the Watcher diaries, and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Willow: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Buffy: Also, Giles keeps them in his office, in his personal files.
Willow: Most importantly, it would be Wrong.

Xander: You just don't like him 'cause of that time he beat you up every day for five years.
Willow: Yeah, I'm irrational that way.

Willow: There's a Slayer handbook?
Buffy: Wait, handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a t-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool.

Xander: This is a question that no one particularly wants to hear but... where did they put his head?
Willow: Good point - I *didn't* want to hear that.

Willow: We can't run, that would be wrong. Could we hide?

Willow: I swear on my mother's grave... should something fatal happen to her, God forbid.

Willows: Don't warn the tadpoles!
Giles: Don't warn the tadpoles?
Willow: I... I have frog fear.

Angel: What are you doing?
Willow: Oh. Sorry. The reflection thing that you don't have... Angel, how do you shave?
 

Willow: So, Umpata, you're a girl.
Umpata: Yes, for many years now.
Willow: And, not a boy, 'cause we thought a boy was coming, and here you are...in a girl-way.

Willow (to Xander): Why are you suddenly so worried about looking like an idiot? (pause) That came out wrong.

Willow: What? Only Xander gets to make dumb jokes?

Buffy: Have you dropped any hints?
Willow: I've dropped anvils.
Buffy: Ah, he'll come around. What guy could resist your wily Willow charms?
Willow: At last count, all of them - maybe more.

(Willow gives Buffy a get well gift) Buffy: Homework.
Willow: It's my way of saying "get well soon."
Buffy: You know chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments, all you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.

Willow: I'm good at medical stuff. Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
(All look at Xander.) Xander: (Laughs nervously) No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes and diagnose me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.

Willow: You're thinking too much. Maybe you need to be impulsive.
Buffy: Impulsive? Do you remember my ex-boyfriend, the vampire? I slept with him, he lost his soul, now my boyfriend's gone forever and the demon that wears his face is killing my friends. The next impulsive decision I make will involve my choice of dentures.
 

Cordelia: Get out of here before someone sees you impersonating a member of the swim team.
Xander: I don't do impersonations. I tried out for the team last night. I made it.
Cordelia: Really.
Xander: Yeah, I figure I could keep an eye on Gage and the others when Buffy can't.
Willow: When you're nude? (Buffy pokes her.) I meant to say changing.

Willow: This means I can't help you study for tomorrow's finals.
Buffy: Oh, I'll wing it. Of course, if we go to hell by then I won't have to take them…or maybe I'll be taking them forever.

Willow: He got away. We still have some glitches in the system, like vampires getting away.

Willow: We try not to get killed. That's part of our whole mission statement…don't get killed.
 

Willow: No let them go Oz. Talking about it isn't helping. We might as well try some violence. (Zombies crash through the window.)
Willow: I was being sarcastic!

Buffy: You're really enjoying this whole moral superiority thing, aren't you?
Willow: It's like a drug!

Xander: That didn't just happen!
Willow: No! I mean it did, but, it didn't!
Xander: Because I respect you, and Oz, and I would never-
Willow: I would never either. It, it must be the clothes. It's a fluke.
Xander: It's a clothes fluke, that's what it is! And there'll be no more fluking.
Willow: Not ever.
(They almost kiss again.) Xander: We gotta get out of these clothes!
Willow: Right now.
Xander: Oh, I didn't mean -
Willow: I didn't mean either!

Buffy: I'm not exactly unpopular. A lot of people came to my welcome home party.
Willow: They were killed by zombies.
Buffy: Good point.

Willow: There are forces at work here, dark, incomprehensible forces!
Buffy: And I'm sure they're more important than all we've been through together, or the number of times that I've
saved your life.
Willow (meekly): What do you want?
Buffy: Fifteen minutes alone on your computer with Cordelia's database.
Willow: K.

Buffy: Let's do the timewarp again.
Willow: Maybe there's a reunion in town, or a Billy Joel tour or something.